Country And Western Song

(by Fred Wedlock)

Thunder rolled around
As we lay Grandma in the ground
In the village church beside her brother Ted
We laid her there to rest
As it was her last request
But most of all, 'cause Grandma was dead.

The lightning struck the peg
Holding Grandpa's iron leg
As he leaned on the arm of cousin Rose
Who was holding hands with Sid
And their seven lovely kids
And all they found was the guide dog puppy's nose.

I was leaving the graveside
With my family beside
When a drunk bus driver skidded round the bend
My family they was mashed
As down the bank they crashed
Where forty two blind orphans met their end.

A holiday express
Hit the wreck, O what a mess
The bridge across the river broke in two
And the only thing come up
From the boat on which it dropped
Was a banner saying "Old folks Christmas Cruise."

Help arrived with speed
Undertaker in the lead
With his calculator and his rule
Grieving all the while
And trying not to smile
When a rescue helicopter hit the school.

I was prayin' to the lord
Feeling lonesome and forlorn
When a voice said "Good body don't you weep,
Though your folks been took away
And I got you down for New Years Day
Cheer up, 'cause Christmas gonna be real cheap."

I said "Is that you lord?"
He said "That's a big 10-4
Get your ears out for the good news, come on.
I'm gonna fix it soon
For your daughter Cindy-June
To marry the undertakers son."