Spot Of The Antarctic

(By Les Barker)

(N.B this is spoken, with considerable style if you're Chris ;-)

As you plough through the snows of December
Remember that poor Captain Scott
Wasn't he the second to reach the South Pole?
Well no, in fact he was not.
Roald Amundsen, he was the first
Or that's what everyone reckoned.
But we've all been under a misapprehension
I've been toald that Roald was second.
When he arrived at his goal
A small patch of yellow snow marked it
For who was first to the pole
Spot of the Antarctic.

It was an elementary mistake
That put Roald out of the hunt
How can the man at the back of the sledge
Beat the dog he has tied to the front?
But Spot was not a happy dog
A dog needs to go out for a run
But pulling a sledge all those miles through the snow
A walk round the park would have done.
A sledge piled high with a cooker, a fridge, a TV and who had to park it
It wasn't Roald who trudged through the coald
It was Spot of the Antarctic.

Of course, Roald did all the planning
Strategy flowed from his mouth
"Which way shall we go today, Roald?" said Spot
And Roald said "South."
And on the return journey
His keen mind again proved its worth
"Which way shall we go today, Roald?" said Spot
And Roald said "North"
All Spot had to do was pull the sledge
Put the tent up and when it got dark it
Was whose job to cook Roald supper
Spot of the Antarctic.

"My name used to be Ronald" said Roald
"But alas, I was a poor man
I had to sell my own N to finance the trip
I sold it to someone called Orman.
I bought a tent and a sledge
And a dog and set out to do it
Spot didn't like the Antarctic at first
But he's taken a Viking to it.
I thought I'd be first to the pole
I got off the sledge and then parked it
I wanted to be first, my heart going to burst
It was Spot of the Antarctic."

Then half way through the journey home
He spoke to his pet with regret
"I've miscalculated, our food is all ated
And McDonald's haven't opened here yet."
No for Roald the example of Oates
No bravely going out for a walk
He simply shouted "Come here, Spot"
And got out his knife and fork.
The dog may be gone, but the legend lives on
All down the years dog's have barked it
For who was the first to the pole?
Spot of the Antarctic.